Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Just writing for the heck of it.

Have you ever had that very odd experience of someone saying your name, and as it springs forth from their lips, it sounds somehow different then you expected it? It’s a very odd sensation.
Let me explain the context
I have a friend, Alex, who goes to Evergreen. Yes, he’s that Evergreen kid that. If you come from Washington state, you know all about him. He’s the pot smoking, tree loving, sex having, tobacco breathing, philosophy major who looks like he is tripping on acid every time you see him. For Christmas, Alex brought home his roommate, Ain’ger. For those of you who are really confused looking at that name and need a way to hear it, she pronounces it “ON-yay.” Now, Ain’ger and I have hung out a few times before. She’s really chill and pretty easy to know so I would call her my friend and she would return that. However, she’s not a ‘good friend’ nor have we seen/been in contact enough for her to be overly familiar with my name.
Enough info! On to the story!
Yesterday, I was over hanging out with the two of them when Ain’ger called my name.
“Mary Wise!”
Why, you ask, should this be worthy of a story? It was not so much that she called my name; it was the level of familiarity with my name as she called it that was startling. I wondered suddenly how she came to say my name with so much authority. I almost asked but figured that would be weird, so I didn’t. I would soon have my answer anyway.
We sitting on the couch watching a movie later when Alex left the room. She leaned over and said “Alex and I have decided that your name is pretty perfect. Sometimes, when we’re feeling silly, or want to see you, or just whatever, we say your name back and forth over and over and over again.”

Ah-hah! Mystery solved!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Nothing very complicated (or: the problem as I see it)

No, I don’t want to talk.
I want to listen to good music.
I want to watch a movie.
I want to listen to blues and drive too fast,
With the windows down and the heat turned up.
I want to grab an ipod, two pairs of headphones and a splitter
And hop busses for hours.
I want to go to the District and watch beautiful people walk by
And talk about them as they turn away.
I want to plant a tree.
Hell, I want to plant dozens of trees!
I want to write a book.
I want to read a play.
(I’ll be Beatrice and if you’ll be Benedick?)
I want to get lost
Wandering through streets I’ve never seen.
I want to drink too much coffee,
And then get really confused and laugh at your ridiculous statements.
I want to make a meal
And then I want to clean a kitchen.
I want to climb a mountain
Then find a patch of clean dry dirt,
Put down a blanket and lay there for hours in quite.
I want to play a game of chess.
I want to play a game of hide and go seek tag.
Fuck it! I just want to play!
I want to spend a day praying to a god that I’m not sure’s there,
Then I want to spend the night swearing loudly
While smoking a half-dozen cigarettes.
I want to build a fire,
A big fire,
A fucking huge ass fire!
Then put away all theoretical talk of magic
And dance around it.
I want to go to Compline.
I want to walk through a graveyard, find a tree.
Sitting there in the quite I want to tell a story.
I want you to tell one too.
I want to jump in a lake.
I want to sweep a porch,
Then sit on it, drinking beer and watching the grass grow.
I want to go to a Mahler concert
And during the boring parts
I want to annoy people around us by playing tic-tac-to on the program.
I want to ride a train.
I want to play in the waves.
I want to walk through the forest for hours and hours,
Listening to the trees talk to the birds talk to the soil talk to us.
I want to hang out, not having to worry about what to say next.
I want to...
Just be.

Monday, December 14, 2009


“You’re never quite alone, are you?” the old man asked as we crunched through the snow. Our breath making beautiful shadows as it trailed behind us.

“No. no sir, I guess I’m not.” I responded in a half thought out whisper. I had forgotten I could whisper so silently.

“No of course you’re not. How could you ever be?”

Yes, how could I ever be? So many people’s thoughts dancing wildly round and round about, jockeying for attention. So many thoughts, wanting to be sorted out, pleading to be put to rest, like a bunch of spirits praying themselves out of purgatory. No, I guess I’m never alone.

No of course you’re not. How could you ever be?

Yes, how could I ever be? For through this chorus of ideas, also is playing (always playing) music. There is no alone, because every second of everyday is filled with someone elses' music banging around restlessly. More spirits wishing to be prayed from purgatory. No, I guess I’m never alone.

No of course you’re not. How could you ever be?

Yes, how could I ever be?

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


Today, I wandered through long forgotten poetry.
Poems I wrote long ago
And forgot.
Today I revisited them
And as I read prose I wrote,
Trying to remember who they were for,
I realized,
I wrote them for you.

Today, a term of endearment made my being ache.
A word that if said normally would grate,
Or make me giddy,
Instead, made my whole heart beautifully ache.
And I found (wonder of all things wonderful!)
It ached for you.

Today, I read about how a man created divine music;
How every note and breath
Was in longing for a presence.
And so I sit here, creating not so divine poetry,
Trying to breathe words not as inspired, but just as powerful
I long for you.

Today, I dreamed of beautiful immaginings.
Oh Shit.
Well, anyway,
I dreamed them of you.

Today, I swam across an ocean of uncertainty,
Pulled my heart through miles of distance
And drew not a labored breath knowing
I came here for you.

Today, I laughed loudly.
I spoke loudly too.
I spoke for you.

Today, I break the rules
I break them for you

For you